i love you

Do you find it hard to tell someone "i love you"

it is an interesting thing to think about......

all of my life i have been told that people never care
and that is is considered a sign of weakness to show emotion or let anyone in

i can remeber my family that were constatly living in a state of numbness where no-one ever talked to one another and i remeber that all of my friend's mums would tell them that they loved them and that they were special ......

All my mum ever did was tell me that everyone in the world hated me and that no-one wanted to be near me .....

and i was such a horrible person.... that she wished i hadn't been born

When i came to Sunset i was so overwhelmed by the love and the happiness ....

i felt so uncomfortable and out of place.
in the past when i recieved a compliment i would hit that person who said it

Now i still feel uncomfortable but i say thankyou anyway....

A few months ago when i started a new school
my friend sent me a text message every day to make sure that i was o.k.
she would always say 'love ya ' at the end ....
after a few days i couldn't handle it anymore and i threw my phone

so i began to challenge the impact i felt by those words " i love you"
because i had been told that everybody hates me

i found it extremely hard to accept.

Months later i was having a conversation with another friend.
we were talking about similar things ....
we were both struggeling with this.
she had been talking to someone else that had told her......

" people don't say i love you just because they can ....
they say it because they mean it and we never know what will happen tomorrow "

Even though the bible is full of passages that tell us about god's love for us i still have trouble accepting that.
and because of the negative relationships that i have experienced i can find it hard to accept that i have real friends that love and care for me

It is a struggle but i continue to make the choice every day to put god first in my life and live for him......

and i try to accept that i am loved.

it is not a weakness to show people that you care for them...
Being open with your emotions is actually a huge strength
even though it can be so uncomfortable at times.

so i am trying a new thing ....
whenever i write my emails and text messages from now on...
i will be putting 'love ya ' at the end

So that i can return the love that i have recieved from others ....

God really has answered my prayers

years ago when i was so lonely and broken i longed for friends
and i have found so many .....

God really is bringing healing to my broken heart and even though life is sooo tough at the moment i wouldn't have it any other way